Ok, this post might seem weird if you don’t know me. So, a short background just to clarify why I’m asking this;

I’m diagnosed with dysthymia, recurring depression and anxiety disorder. I’ve had problems for most of my 26-year-old life, but it has basically become worse each year. The problem that has become the biggest, is me being tired. Exhausted. Even when I don’t feel down. During winter, I am tired as hell, and feel so down I don’t want to live. But during summer, I feel ok, but still am so damn tired I can’t do anything. Most doctors believe my fatigue is because of my psychological problems, and so do I, but from time to time I start to wonder. Now is one of those times. I realize that I don’t get tired because I’m sad, I get sad because I’m tired. One thing that usually gets my attention, is the fact that I most of the times have no idea why I get anxiety, or get sad, or things like that. I don’t think negative, I try to have a positive outlook and all that, and when I was in a group for depressed, everyone except me kind of knew why they were depressed. Or at least had a clue and knew that they had to work with themselves in one way or another, like trying to stop dwelling and worrying. The ones having the group (psychologist) made a joke about me actually feeling great since I didn’t dwell. Ok, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of pain and problems in my life and surely my problems originated there, but I’m pretty much over that know, and now I have no clue why I feel as bad as I do.

So, my question is, if you are, or have been, depressed, do you know why? Because I have no clue why I still, after all these years, suffer from dysthymia and recurring depression and anxiety. Which makes me believe I have something wrong with my body, other than off serotonin levels… That plus the fact that I, as I said, get sad because I’m tired, not the other way around. But it would be interesting to know, if others have felt this, or not felt this? Am I just desperately trying to find an answer to my problems or is there actually something to it?

Well, I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to try to discuss this. It just would be nice to know, how common it is to not know why you feel as bad as you do.

btw, I know this is a huge problem among people, and women in particular, and that psychological problems are still frowned upon. I will try to write about this some more (if you want me to?), to try to bring the subject up and make people with the same problems feel that it is not something shameful. Because it’s not.